Monday, September 29, 2008

Why I've Been Away

Hasn’t been much activity on this blog the past few months. Except for a couple of posts about The Man Who Jumped (still haven’t heard who he was or anything else, by the way)—except for that and a few other stray posts, it’s been awful quiet here.

The reason for this inactivity is … is … it’s, uh … it’s because I, uh …

Actually, I don’t know why. I guess it’s because after retirement from my day job, the trip to Europe, etc. my life changed so much I felt disconnected from so many things that were part of my previous routine, one of which was blogging.

Does that make sense? I don’t know how to explain it better, except to say that retiring from the day job and beginning my new life as a full-time artist turned out to be a bigger shock to my world than I imagined it would be.

Would you believe I still have dreams about the old job? It’s like a phantom limb. It’s gone, but it still feels a part of me, on some unconscious level. Turns out it was a bigger part of my identity than I realized at the time, and when it suddenly wasn’t there anymore, I had to relearn who I am.

It’s not that I miss the old job. Far from it. With the perspective of time, I look back on it with a kind of horror now and wonder how I endured it for so long. Getting up at 5:30 every morning, fighting traffic, sitting cooped up in a tiny office all day, working at something that held no interest for me, only getting an hour or two per day or weekends to do what I really wanted to do.

I much prefer my life now, going to bed when I want, getting up when I want, working when I want, playing when I want, reading more, watching movies, swimming, taking up new hobbies like salsa making, spending more time with my family.

No, I don’t miss the old job. I miss some of the people, but not the job itself. Don’t miss it at all.

But it appears that I needed the past few months to recover from the old job—to decompress, as they say—and to learn how to do this new life.

So that’s why I’ve been away from this blog. I had to step away from it for a while and work some things out.

But now I’m back ...

By the way, I wasn’t self-evaluating and navel-gazing the entire time. I accomplished something over the summer. Something big. I’ll tell you about it in my next post …