Wednesday, October 31, 2007

A Reader Writes

Hello Mack, and Happy Halloween.

First of all, I have to tell you that I am shocked and horrified that you of all people are now openly promoting racism on your website. Yes, that's right...racism!!! I see on your page that you are offering to your readers access to a particular movie, "White Zombie" to be more specific. Now clearly this film must be racist. Certainly not all zombies are White, but you have chosen to be a typical white racist and exclude "zombies of color" from your website. Now I realize that you did not make this film, nor are you responsible for its racist content, but as you have made the conscious decision to offer this particular piece of white racist propaganda, I can only conclude that you, in fact, must agree with its content and therefore are equally responsible for perpetuating these exclusionary and racist ideas to the public. For God sakes Mack, this is 2007. When will zombies of color finally get equal representation in the media? You and your kind are a stench in the nostrils of those of us who have always fought hard for equal rights among all zombies, regardless of color, creed or sexual orientation. You should be ashamed. But there is hope. I think a few sessions at the University of Delaware will cure your pernicious racism. All you need is a little bit of reeducation.

But seriously, GOD ALMIGHTY, are those people in Delaware for real??? I guess this really is what this country and this world is coming to...I had hoped it was only part of a really bad dream. How can programs like these actually get approved and implemented if they are first reviewed by sane individuals? (I think I just answered my own question.) And just exactly what in the fuck is an Office of Residence Life Diversity Facilitation Training? It can only be some bullshit job title which was specifically created by some bureaucrat whose cousin needed a job.

Anyway, Happy Halloween Mack. With the country becoming so incredibly scary, who needs Halloween?

Oh my god, I just realized. Not only is the color of my skin white; not only did I (as you correctly point out) promote a blatantly WHITE-racist-zombie movie, but it also happens that … MY LAST NAME IS WHITE!!! That makes me TRIPLY RACIST, the worst kind of racist there is!!!!!! Whatever shall I do?!?!?! You’re right, a trip to the University of Delaware would do me worlds of good. Thank you for the suggestion. I'll start packing immediately.

Thank you also for pointing out the creepiness of the title “Office of Residence Life Diversity Facilitation Training.” Yikes!!! The title alone should scare the bejeezus out of everyone. Forget zombies, goblins, vampires, werewolves, and other Halloween creatures. Tonight we should hang garlic on our doors and wear crucifixes to ward off the Residence Life Diversity Facilitator Trainers! (Whew, that was a mouthful.) Might be a good idea to keep a few silver bullets by the bedside, too, just in case.