Friday, December 14, 2007

The Man Who Cherished Waterboarding

In the funny video above, Fox News funny man Greg Gutfeld has the following funny thing to say about the funny topic of waterboarding:

“Now, waterboarding might be torture, but as long as people I hate also hate waterboarding, then I love it more than life itself … So I cherish waterboarding. I want to make it our national sport, our national bird. I want to make the waterboard the state flower of Vermont, instead of the Birkenstock.”

That is so funny. Yes, that’s a real knee slapper, it surely is. A gut buster, you might say. Yessiree. Funniest damn thing I ever heard in all my born days. That Greg Gutfeld sure is a card, ain’t he? Yes indeed. Why, I don’t think anyone’s said anything that funny since the Dawn of Creation. I mean, what could possibly be funnier than half-drowning someone, taking them to the very gates of death, filling them with unspeakable pain and horror, until they agree to say whatever you want if only you will stop?

Yeah, that’s real funny. And Greg Gutfeld is the very soul of wit. He may even be the greatest satirist of all time. Jonathan Swift, Mark Twain, move over. Greg Gutfeld has come to town.

Someday Greg Gutfield will die, as must we all. I hope he does not die in a torture chamber, but it is possible, because that is the kind of world he is helping to create. At any rate, whether he dies in a torture chamber or peacefully in his sleep does not matter. The fact is, he will die one way or the other, and on his tombstone will be engraved “The Man Who Cherished Waterboarding.” And, as the Man Who Cherished Waterboarding, it will be his fate to experience waterboarding for all Eternity, over and over and over again, with no hope for mercy. He will beg, he will plead, he will offer to suck the Devil’s very cock and to take into his stomach the Devil’s hot burning sulpherous spunk if only the Devil will stop waterboarding him. And the Devil will agree, and let him suck his cock, and afterwards the Devil will waterboard him again, over and over and over again, for all Eternity. For the Devil is the Father of Lies, and ye reap in Death what ye cherish in Life.

Thus it was written in the Book of Life before the beginning of Time.

Fox News "Comedian" Says Waterboarding a Good Thing